it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
