i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drake has all the answers
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
