Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
