woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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