the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
