By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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