There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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