she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
