So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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