I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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