It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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