And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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