pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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