I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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