I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need a burrito and a hug.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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