Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
