I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize