That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
