Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
