she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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