i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize