I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
