she looked like the before picture.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
