please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
