I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
