One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize