I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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