you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
