party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
