fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
