Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
