this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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