I CAN MOONWALK!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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