Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
