The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
