i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
