You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
