GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
