I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
