ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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