I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
