I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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