I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
