I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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