Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He shit in the fireplace
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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