By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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