Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
