How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize