so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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