he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
