Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize