Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
