my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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