i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
