I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize