He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize