Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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