Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
its liver damage thursday
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
