Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
