He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
