After last night, I could never be a politician.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
