You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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