were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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