you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize