i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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