what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
