Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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