Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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