i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
