Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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