im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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