I could make wine with my vomit
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
