oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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